I was at the freshman parents’ orientation last week at my daughter’s school.  It was about an hour long and to be honest I zoned out on a lot of the talk.  But, there was one thing that did catch my attention.  One phrase, that made me pause and think about.  Basically, because I had said a similar thing to an athlete earlier in the week.

The principal was saying how it is their job as a staff to help guide these young teenagers in this stage of their lives.  Part of that job is to teach these kids to understand if they have a problem that arises – maybe they need to talk to a teacher about a test score or a project – these kids need to address the problems themselves.  Mommy and daddy should not be the first option to help resolve it.

That is something I wholeheartedly agree with.

I will take it a step further in terms of my area of expertise, athletes.  There are all sorts of issues that come up, the biggest one being playing time.  But, there could be others – not getting to play the position that you want, wanting to know what can be done outside of practice to get better, issues with teammates, etc.

At a certain age, the parents need to step aside and allow the athlete to handle some of these issues.  And I believe that age is high school.

Parents can’t control an athlete’s desire.  At a certain point, the athlete has to show that desire to be great at a sport.  If that athlete is bummed about playing time, then he (just to keep this gender consistent) has to be the one to say something to the coach and find out why or what he needs to do to increase that playing time.

I’m not saying it will be easy.  It can be for some kids, but it is something that they must learn.  They have to learn how to handle confrontations or situations head on.  Not through a text.  And not by ignoring it hoping it will get better.

In my opinion this is a valuable skill to learn.  

What happens if this person wants to get a promotion at his job?  Or if he has a discrepancy with a bill that he receives?  These kids have to be able to hit these head on if they want them resolved appropriately.  And I feel it can start with the lessons they learn in sports due to obstacles presented.

As a coach, I would appreciate it more if an athlete came to me to discuss his problem rather than a parent.  Especially, if it is something like playing time or disagreeing about play calling.  It shows to me that this athlete is confident enough to ask me about something and mature enough to have a conversation to work through the problem.

Now, if doing that doesn’t make the athlete feel like anything was resolved or if in his opinion it gets worse, then maybe a discussion with the parents can be brought in.  But, the cord to mommy and daddy needs to be cut at some point and high school is as good a time as any to let this athlete grow and develop.

I feel that today’s society in general, not just this younger generation, is very complacent about not tackling issues in person or the very least on the phone.  Emails, texts, pictures, do not cut it in my opinion.  A lot is lost in translation and a lot can be learned and developed in a person with some in-person discussions about things that might not make them feel comfortable.

So, as your high schooler starts navigating his/her path in life, we know issues will arise.  Allow your athlete to try and resolve these issues initially.  Most of the time, they will handle it and do a great job.  Thus, giving them more confidence to be able to handle the next big thing they might have to deal with.

Photo courtesy of Daniel Hargrave on Flickr: https://www.flickr.com/photos/danielhargrave/